I’ve been drifting. Not in a motorcar on a dirt road but within myself. A three week intensive Yoga immersion saturated my brain with information and self-talk. I was supposed to become a capable teacher of yoga, that’s what I paid money towards, right?! Turns out it’s a much longer road, not really a surprise… but somehow I thought I come out feeling better about my yoga practice and not worse. And worse I feel … in body, mind and spirit. I’m explaining to myself that I am exhausted, 10 hour days with 3 hours yoga practice and 7 hours of study for 20 days is probably a valid reason to feel exhausted in the body and mind. The mental intake is big, analysing & refining poses, class sequencing, anatomy and physiology. To learn about the mindblowing and incredible beauty in the body’s efficiency, how all the parts work together and how nothing is useless and without purpose.
Then the philosophy, simply said: we are waves in the ocean and sometimes we forget that we are part of the same ocean. Words fail me to describe the huge amount of possibilities we are encountering on a daily basis to make this life better for us and the world around us.
My spirit came out tired because I tied the outcome to expectations, taking on other people’s experiences in their yoga journey and using it for myself, again. But it’s good to see how my own thought patterns have created the excitement and the disappointment. Now I can learn from it, it’s always about learning!
Slowly I’m getting out of the head stuff and back into the body and feel stuff, now I’m a bit more tuned into the why and how behind my body and my mind. I glimpsed a new horizon to reach for, to keep learning. I know now that I need some digestion time afterwards, to let knowledge settle. Like Savasana, the corpse pose at the end of a yoga class, total relaxation and taking yourself away from what just happened to let it all integrate.
Forever learning and expanding horizons is fun, now that the expectations got kicked out.